Not Guilty

Mom guilt. Why do we feel it? And where does it come from? Very few moms escape the sentiment, but it’s difficult to talk about and even harder to let go of.

I was definitely inspired by what I was experiencing myself as a new mother. Becoming a mum truly is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me, but it’s quite a paradox because you also feel all of these emotions that you don’t quite expect. I noticed myself feeling guilty for these things that I’d never felt guilty about before. Like taking a shower while my husband was taking care of our baby, or working so much and not spending enough time with her…I guess the film was my own therapeutic way of putting my feelings into art.

Are there any other Directors or films you studied as you prepared for this project?

Yes! Olivia Kastebring – I adore her work. Also Fiona Jane Burgess – I’m obsessed with everything she does. Emilie Thalund…so many powerful female directors out there who I look up to. I love analyzing their work, reading interviews where they discuss their craft, and just learning from them all. It’s such a treat for me to have these amazing examples of women who can create such powerful stories and beautiful films from their own personal perspective, and that definitely informed the way I approached this project.

What is the most important thing you learned along the way?

With this project, I really grew a lot in my interviewing abilities and discovering the best way to draw out natural responses. I know how hard it is to respond in an authentic way when a camera is flipped on so, with the suggestion of my friend, I tried my best to have some deeper discussions with each of the women before the camera was on. That ended up being so helpful in creating a conversational atmosphere instead of feeling performative. I also found that it’s really important to avoid the urge to sort of force a specific answer out of each person and instead guide the conversation in a more natural way that encourages honesty and vulnerability. Interviewing each of the mothers was definitely my favorite part of this project. They’re all so amazing and I really felt touched by every one of them.

How did you approach the casting process?

Haha, my casting process is…interesting! One of the mothers I met in an aisle in Walmart. Another one I met in a hot pilates class. Another I met through work as she was a makeup artist on a set. In each case, I just knew these women were meant to be part of this project. Choosing just a handful of mothers was hard because I know so many amazing ones, but I also wanted to focus on including a variety of women at all different stages of motherhood to create a more inclusive viewpoint. I’m so glad we were able to find this incredible group of mums, because what they each brought to the film is what makes it great!

Did you face any creative challenges during the development of the film? If so, how did you overcome them?

Filming with kids can always be a bit unpredictable but, to be honest, that’s why I love working with them. They can bring a massive light-hearted spirit to a shoot and are just so fun. When interviewing, we had to figure out how to keep the kids entertained / quiet enough to hear what each of the women were saying, so that was a bit tricky. Thankfully my husband, Israel, is great with kids and helped out in that aspect a lot.

Were there any moments during shooting that stand out in your memory?

So many. The interview with Claire, the pregnant mum, was so special. She really opened up her heart with what she said and even though I’d only known her for a short time, I felt so inspired by everything she was sharing. Also shooting in California with Rose was such a treat. Her daughter, Riley, was so fun and giggly and had the best laugh. She made the shoot so enjoyable and made me feel excited to see what kind of relationship I’ll have with my daughter when she grows up.

How did you balance the mix of chaos and beauty in both the visual and story elements?

Well, children naturally bring a sense of chaos, so that part wasn’t too hard to capture. I knew I wanted to craft some more composed scenes as well, to match up with what the women would say and support a strong story arc. We also focused quite heavily on talent and locations to create a specific visual aesthetic, and I feel proud of what we achieved. My DP, Pierce, is super talented and able to make pretty much any scene look pretty, so that definitely helps too.

Did you encounter any surprises in the editing process that required a creative solution?

I imagined the film ending a little differently than it did, but I loved the interaction so much between Rose and Riley that I knew I had to include it. I positioned it at the end because it felt like a sweet, innocent moment to reflect on the feeling of guilt – it’s not a feeling children experience as much even though we all seem to struggle with it when we grow up.

When you look at the finished film, how does it make you feel?

There were lots of moments during filming where I felt this would be a special piece. I’m a spiritual person and I feel that God communicates to me often through visualization…it’s an incredible feeling when you have an image in your head and it comes to life so vividly. Lots of those moments happened for me and I felt so excited by what we got at the end of each shooting day. This has been my favorite project I’ve made to date.

What do you hope to accomplish with this film?

I hope that this helps mothers reflect on why they feel “mom guilt”… to know that it’s okay to feel these feelings, but also that they’re doing a great job. That they can relate to other mums and feel seen. In their children’s eyes, they’re the best person in the world and absolutely irreplaceable. I hope they feel that when they watch this..